Unforgiveness

Most of us including myself find it very difficult forgiving others and even ourselves for wrong things done to us by other people.

The subject of forgiveness is a very difficult subject or matter to talk about amongst us humans because of the feelings of pain or bitterness involved from people we loved or least suspected them to hurt us.

For many years, I had held grudges and bitterness in my heart for so long for most of the women who were romantically involved in my life. The relationship will start off beautifully, but as years passed, most will leave usually without any reason. I felt really bitter and hurt because I always thought perhaps due to my disability, they never loved and cared for me as much as I did for them.

When it was nothing related to that. For the sake of this bitterness and unforgiveness, I was never calling or speaking to some of them because I felt  very hurt by the rejections. After years of having a change of heart and constant meditation on the word of God (I confess I don't do much these days but I am changing that) and through the sermons of the late Dr. Myles Munroe, I was able to sit and have a discussion with some of them and realised, most of them had expectations that needed to be met and I was not meeting it for some of them at that time.

The truth is, I needed to work on myself more as a man to be responsible and be ready to take up some independent responsibilities for myself and I couldn't do that. Because I was unemployed and broke for many years. I didn't have a vision for where I wanted to take my life to ( I really do now) and I didn't know where I was taking them anytime the subject of marriage or commitment came up.
I was so naive and stupid then that for the sake of poor communication on my part, I blamed myself and them and lived a miserable life for so many years until I had a change of heart (a clean heart of maturity and understanding)
Today, I understand and appreciate very much their reasons.  Many of these women are married with children now, but I have collaborated and and continue to work with them, on several projects and businesses together. With no ill feelings and evil thoughts attached.
I also have someone who adores, loves and respects me in my life now who shows me everyday that I am just perfect in my own way to her. If I had allowed my unforgiveness and bitterness and feeling of low self-esteem and low confidence to eat me up, I wouldn't have found a perfect gift of love in her.

There are many of you reading this now who are still looking like my old self. You are finding it difficult to forgive people for more painful reasons than one. You are living a very bitter life because you can't bring yourself to forgive the people who hurt you or who are hurting. What makes it worse, you have become a hypocrite too because you have to force yourself to smile or acknowledge their greetings of Good morning and Good evening while still hating them with passion in your heart.

It is better to tell them a piece of your mind and air your feelings out to them telling them plainly what they have done to you to free yourself of carrying any guilt within you when they refuse to apologize, accept or acknowledge that they have hurt you.  Move away or cut any ties with them if you can't bear to live with them or look at them again.

For those of us who feel entitled to other people's success in life, because we may feel we were better deserving of a successful opportunity than them, cut that stupid thoughts out of your mind and wish that your brother or sister well instead of hating on their success or envying them for no reason.

There are married couples who don't talk to each other for the sake of ill feelings the woman may have for the man and vice versa for not keeping a promise made. So they are always sleeping on the opposite ends of their beds at night refusing to talk to each other.
Siblings don't talk to each any more, friends are hating on friends on social media for no reason instead of supporting and building each other up.

What I am saying to you now may look and sound stupid to you especially if are bent on going that character path anyway.

But one day, when you are weak and in the crossroads, laying on your death, bed, only there, will you properly understand the real importance of forgiveness and love because death tames every human soul in the end but presents our immortal spirit, which is the soul unto a final judgement before God.

I have freed myself of any bitterness and unforgiveness by sharing with you my story today.

What about you? What are you really waiting for?

Love you all.

*Kwame Sarpong*
*Freelance Writer*