Love Was Her

Are you addicted to looking for love??

Are you constantly searching for the "right one" someone to love you?

I grew up as the only child of my parents. My dad, an oil tycoon and my mother, a pioneer beauty care entrepreneur. I have never really lacked for nothing. Except one thing was missing; Finding love, or as I liked to call it  "Finding true love"
My work as an events entrepreneur got me to meet a lot of people outside my small suburban office in Paris, France. My friends tried hooking me up on a date a million times but most of them didn't really work out. The few ones that did never went beyond a year sadly. Because I was very needy and was always craving for attention and love from these women when they were not equally emotionally ready to give one (same feeling) of love in return. I would regularly be giving out expensive gifts and presents when they had not really required of it. By doing all these, I was hoping to buy their love and affection. But, oh boy, I was so wrong. A hard lesson I learnt painfully in a hard way.
Then, I met Catherine, she was different from any other girl I had met earlier in the years. (or so I thought in my mind) She was not interested in my expensive gifts and love advances. But was really interested in my personality, and my matured approach to life in general and my business.
I think she was fascinated by the fact that despite my rich background, (she found out later) I was so humble and down to earth. But being stubborn and addicted to finding "the woman for me" i kept on pursuing her and seducing her with charm and intelligence to convince her to love me.
My world will come crushing down with a big bang, when one day, she opened up and said this to me, Marcel, you are really a great guy and one heck of a charmer. I love that about you. Believe me, I really do. But I cannot love you that much as you expect me to. Forgive me, please but I cannot.
Suddenly, it felt like the air in my lungs had run out. I couldn't breathe all of sudden and my face looked like it had stood still for ages without moving.
Marcel, Marcel, are you listening to me?? Are you okay?? She asked. Deep inside I was not but I pretended I was. Just not to burst out any emotions from inside me. She kept talking, I have a daughter with my ex boyfriend who happens to also be my first love. Our relationship is an on and off thing now but I feel I still love him. I really admire your persistence and determination in pursuing me, but to me, you have a huge task of trying to win me over from a heart that is already somewhere else. I'm so sorry!  She said.
I went home and drank myself away to sleep that night. My entire family had held a dinner party but I refused to attend and locked myself all night in my condo. Crying and a feeling sorry for myself.  Am I not a great guy?? Am I not handsome enough to win any girl I truly deserve?? Gosh!!!! I kept asking myself that night. For the next few weeks, I kept calling Catherine trying to convince her so bad to still consider me and that I can really really make her happy. All she kept saying was Marcel, so  sorry but I can't. Please don't take this the wrong way. But you're still a very important person to me.A great friend.
I always banged the phone on the telephone receiver when I hear the "dear friend to me" part. Because I wanted so much more than just being a friend to her.
One early morning, I was driving through the quiet Paris streets when I saw a sign post that read;
"Don't look for love outside yourself" Look for love inside yourself first" That is the beginning of finding true love" I parked on the side of the street where the post was and went straight inside a building which was close to it. It was a counselling and therapy session for helping people deal with social issues of life that people find hard to deal with. Most people I met there had lost husbands, most dealing with drugs and domestic abuse and most people just wanted to find an easy way to "fit in" in today's perfect picture life. I shared my story when it got to my turn to speak.
After that here's what the lead counselor said: You're my Marcel right?? Yes, I said.
Good, this is what I will tell you about love from my experience.

*"Never beg for love or to be loved by someone who is not willing or ready enough to give you the same love you are giving in return. Love is a give and take relationship for both people.* Not a one sided benefit relationship.
Be yourself. If you have lost yourself, please find yourself and love yourself again.
The right person who really deserves your love will come in your life to stay."
Tears started flowing heavily down my cheeks and the other members put their hands around me saying, we are here for you brother. We are a family here and we are going to fight this together until we all win.
That morning I went home feeling satisfied and happy with myself for the first time in many years.
I decided to adopt the orphans of the widows in the group and support them financially throughout their lives.
I did and one of them just made me very proud and the rest of the family by winning the World Robotics Championship in America. For the first time, someone called me Dad and I could see love burning in his eyes. These children are now my blessings. And my real reason to live for something greater in my life other than my parents wealth.
They are my strength and light of love in the darkness of life.

*Kwame Sarpong*