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I Really Miss Him

Do you have a husband or a wife you don't talk to much  because he/she made you very angry or upset.??

I loved waking up everyday in the morning to read his short love messages hidden under my pillow and to the the smell of his breath and the kiss on my forward to say; Good morning beautiful, how do you do.
He would then carry me out of bed so I can go take my shower and make breakfast ready for our two kids before they go to school. Later I will make his favourite coffee with milk and omelette for him for both of us to enjoy before we both leave together for work.
John enjoyed driving me to work and picking me up after work every day. Even though I had my own car, he never allowed me to drive myself to work. He will often say... "I love for us to talk to ourselves, argue, make jokes agree and disagree on issues we both don't understand about each other and our lives. We did that everyday in every possible mood you can ever imagine; the bad arguments mostly, the I'm upset with you kind of argument, the I don't want to ever talk to you again argument, the I'm always tolerating your nonsense kind of arguments. Name them all we did them.

You must be wondering why we made those arguments quite often. Simple. Because I couldn't bring myself to trust people him much because of my dark past of disappointments with men I dated when I was single.
For the longest part of our married life, I had always suspected him of cheating on me with other women every time he was away from home or on his regularly business trips across the country and abroad. I will yell, scream and curse the heck out of him every night he came home even though I had no evidence or proof to confirm anything. It was only guided by my dark past of mistrust with men.
Anytime he came home late I will begin my usual chorus of screams and follow him everywhere in the house asking where have you been to so late before coming home?
His calm voice will often say, Ann, from work. Nowhere else. Can we please talk about this tomorrow, I only want to take a shower and sleep. I love you. And he will jump to bed after that.
Often times, whenever I call his office after 5pm and his secretary will tell me he's not around, my anger will just shoot to the moon and I will completely lose it. He often will not say anything and walk off or sometimes only say I love you with a soft kiss on my forehead and go back to do his usual bath in the evening.

On the morning of our 20th wedding anniversary, John  had not written any of those short love messages like he would write for me every morning. I woke up to see him weak, his eyes had turned reddish and his mouth very dry with sores. Out of fear, I thought to myself, My God, please tell me what is happening to my husband this morning. He began to feel very hot and feverish so he asked me to drive him to the hospital after breakfast so I did. We dropped the children off in school and went straight to the hospital. The doctors examined him and came back to tell us that he had liver cancer. And that he needed to be on  chemotherapy to kill of off most the cancer cells which were fast spreading to the other parts of his body.  For two weeks continuous, I would go with the children after work to go visit him in the hospital until it was late at night before we went home.
One Saturday morning, the doctors called me and told me his situation had turned for the worse so I should come to the hospital as fast as I can. I got there to see my Johnny lying there helplessly with oxygen mask to his nose and mouth and tubes connected to his veins. His eyes were failing but he still managed to pass me a small note and he asked me to open and read it for him in a little voice.
The note read;
This is my last note to you.
Ann, you are the best wife I could have ever asked from God. You always got on my last nerve with your mistrust for me. I had been thinking a lot than necessary over the years. But I love you. Stay strong!!!! As soon as I finished reading.... He passed away.
Jesus!!!! I had driven my Johnny to an early grave with unnecessary arguments and mistrust. I said that to myself sadly.

It's been 6 months already and I miss him so much.
I miss talking to him and hearing from him.

Do you still have your husband or wife around you?
Do you argue about the least amount of conversation you try to have?
If you will listen to me, argue about everything and anything but make sure not to make anger drag you away from him or her before you regret it. I have lost my husband to cancer. I wish I could yell, scream, talk and laugh with him so much.

But he's not here anymore. So don't lose your husband or wife over petty arguments.

This is what I will say to married couples who don't talk to each other much or communicate:
Relationships are harder now. Because  conversations have become texting, arguments have become phone calls and expressing feelings and emotions have become social media status or posts.
We don't have time to talk to each other about things really affecting us in our marriages.

I hope we can bring ourselves to change and talk to each other.

*Kwame Sarpong*

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