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*woman to woman* : *A mother's advice to her daughter before her wedding.*

My dearest daughter, you are now a full grown woman, full of responsibilities both in your career and in your personal life.

Congratulations to you on finding the man of your dreams. This feat is not the end all and be all of life, but it is one of the greatest journeys in life  that if you are able to weave through carefully with much  wisdom and understanding, your life will be  fulfilled.

Now, before you take on this journey called marriage, lend me your ears.

1. There is no perfect man anywhere, neither on this planet earth or any other. The perfect man is what you make with the husband you have found. He may be your head, but remember, you are his guide. You are to be his adviser, counselor and confidant. You keep his dreams  and visions to heart at all times. Because it will be the compass that will drive your marriage in the future. Like the human head, be the neck that will wisely always move him. You will be irreplaceable to him.

2. Do not compare him to other men. Not even as a joke. I pray you understand this. Men see comparison with their fellow men as a threat or a competition. Although your father is no more, I learnt this lesson leaving with him the hard way. The minute you begin to compare him with his fellow man, you weaken his sense of being a man. You will crush his spirit both physically and emotionally. Whatever, he does for you, be it big or small, appreciate him genuinely for it. And never take whatever he does for you  for granted. Always affirm your appreciation with words or deep affection so that he always knows you do.

3. On money and finances. I know you make your own money and you carry yourself around well my dear daughter. To test how faithful a man can be to you with his finances, try to give him back a portion of the money he gives you as a surplus to the money he has already given you.. I know this may sound and seem strange to you but listen to me, marriage is a roller coaster ride of ups and downs, no guarantees of the former staying longer than the latter. Men have a preconceived notion that women can't leave without money so they already assume monies given for by them to us may not be accounted for. Prove him wrong by holding responsibility to any amount you receive from him by accounting to him. The trick here is to gradually earn his trust, not earn his money or possessions.
The more you continue to show and prove to him your less interest in his money, but a greater interest in him and his vision, ironically, the more you will earn his money nickel by nickel.
You will have him in your pocket with your faithfulness if the love should fade as you age in your marriage.

4. Truth and Honesty. Yes, it is true we women are required to submit to men and honour them. But never deny telling him the truth to his face. But be tactful with it and calm. Nagging and frustrating him for answers may not  be the right call if he is not responding sooner to the truth. But insist in firmness but in love. And he will pour the truth before you. Make him trust you.

5. Show of Affec tion, attention and love. We women, no doubt need these three things almost everyday. But it will be cemented and sustained by the way you treat him. Always make it a two way street affair unconsciously every time. In an instance of your birthday, although it is your special day, but make it  his day. Treat him with kindness and generosity, like a queen to a king. The goal is to throw him off balance by giving him the same dose of love and affection he gives you. Learn to be affectionate and loving in a captivating and a surprised way that will make him keep coming to you for more.

6. Lastly be his peace and his sanctuary of calmness and stability. Every wise woman knows the power of speaking life and wisdom into his man or husband. If you love him as much, learn and adapt to be his peace, his place of calmness after a tough day and his spiritual sanctuary and guidance unto God. Don't start a heated argument, for example, on the day he may feel lonely or be beside himself all alone because he had a bad day at work or worst lost his job. You may win the argument if you push it, but you will lose your husband forever. Your job is to read his mood and choose your battles,  not go to war with him.

There is no manual or an antidote to a perfect marriage; only learn tostrap these key ingredients around you; maturity, lots of tolerance, patience and understanding.

I love you.

Mom.

*Kwame Sarpong*

*Freelance Writer*

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